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StayWell Sluggers
 
SOFTBALL
Player Profile
|
No. |
Name |
Pos. |
B/T |
Hometown |
Alma Mater |
|
2 |
Todd Conly |
OF |
B/R |
Cleveland, OH |
Ohio Wesleyan '93 |
 Nicknames: Teece, TC, Todd Flanders, Rookie
Biggest Fan: Homer Simpson and the Little Engine that Could
Arch Nemesis: Moby Dick and the Denver
Broncos
Years Pro: rookie
Likes: fast cars and fast women, sucking face, and the Cleveland Browns
Dislikes: that Snuggles fabric softener bear, the Olsen Twins from Full House,
and Sideshow Bob
Favorite Quote: "I rarely wear underwear, but when I do, it's usually
something crazy."--Bill Murray, Stripes
"There's a *new* Mexico?!?"--Homer
Simpson
Life-Long Goal: to buy a house, raise a family...or join the PGA Tour
Miscellaneous: Conly is the first true rookie to join the Sluggers in their '99
season. Having played playground ball in the 'hood of Cleveland, Conly is one
tough customer. "He brings a level of toughness to the field that we missed last
season," Coach Tony said in his Ohio hotel room. "I made this trip for one
reason and one reason only--to recruit Todd Conly. I don't understand why they
call him Todd Flanders. He can kick some ass out there. He's tougher than Maude,
Rod, and Todd Flanders combined! Ned's another story."
"I'm hoping to make a real impact on the field this year," Conly said. "I can't
wait to slide cleats-first into a catcher and not get beat up afterwards, like I
did on the Cleveland playgrounds. And all that stuff you reporters have been
saying...about comparing me to Latrell Sprewell is so bogus, dude!"
Conly is working on an endorsement contract with Titalist golf equipment. "They
want me to behead a few umpires with their new driver, called the Terminator,"
Conly said. "The Terminator is a quality golf club, that I'd be happy to
endorse...for one million a year."
Watch for Conly to really shine in the outfield with special instruction from
outfield veterans like number 6, Dan Landesman and number 10, Peter Howe. "We
want to mold this tough kid into a man," Howe said. "Our main goal is to focus
his anger and aggression into the sport," Landesman added. "We keep telling him
that the ball is that girl that beat him up and stole his Partridge Family lunch
box in the 4th grade. That gets his anger focused."
The StayWell pitching staff--particularly Teresa Murray (number 26), Chris
Cornell (17), and Lynn Whittemore (88)--think they can tame this mean spirited
first round draft pick. "We have a whole new batting practice system in store
for this rookie," Whittemore said. "Yeah, the whole bullpen gets on the mound
and throws everything at him," Cornell added. "And she means everything--balls,
bats, gloves, cleats, Lee Press-On Nails...you name it," Murray said. "We're
gonna whip this punk into shape any way possible. He's used to swinging blunt
objects in self-defense from his days in the Cleveland Juvenile Home for Little
Bastards. We're hoping to hone those skills."
Can the Sluggers take this fresh rookie from cowering running to towering home
runs, from playground to playoffs, from diapers to dual championships? Stay
tuned sports fans. 1999 is going to be a very interesting season for the
Sluggers.
E-mail Todd Conly
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