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StayWell Sluggers
 
SOFTBALL
Player Profile
|
No. |
Name |
Pos. |
B/T |
Hometown |
Alma Mater |
|
21 |
Craig Trumm |
RF |
R/R |
Merced, CA |
Merced '92 |
Nicknames: Chuck, Chucky, Chuckster, Lampshade Head
Biggest Fan: CompUSA salesmen
Arch Nemeses: heartburn and the trees in right field of the Esplanade
Years Pro: 7
Likes: fantasy baseball and football, the Internet, stand-up triples, and a cold
Sam Adams Scotch Ale (or two) after a game.
Dislikes: Nova Scotia, hospitals, traveling, Denver Broncos, and San Diego
Chargers.
Favorite Quote: "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" and "Would you like to upgrade
that motherboard for free?"
Miscellaneous: Craig shows signs of power in the batting cage. Look for him to
improve in the home run column in the up-coming season.
David Sunflower Seeds is planning on resigning Craig's endorsement contract. The
MDC is planning on filing a lawsuit for having to clean up Craig's spit-out
shells. Robert Orleman, Sluggers firstbaseman and disbarred lawyer, will be
acting as Craig's defense lawyer in the up-coming trial. "My client is looking
to end this messy trial and get this whole thing behind him before spring
training," Orleman said. "Everyone knows that chewing tobacco causes cancer. We
anticipated support of Craig's habit, not a larcenous civil battle."
The MDC also feels that Craig's sunflower seed addiction sends a bad message to
his young fans. "I am not a role model!" Trumm insisted. "Can't we all just get
along?"
One of StayWell's contract stipulations for resigning Craig, is that he enter
SSA (Sunflower Seed-aholics Anonymous) a 12-step program for sunflower seed
addicts. The rightfielder was quoted as saying, "I just don't get it, dammit. I
can stop any time." This reporter hopes that statement is true.
--Vince Collins, Sporting Gossip News
E-mail Craig Trumm
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