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Hit Parade Hits Road Block Sluggers streak halted by 8-6 loss to CRP --BOSTON, June 5, 2002 “The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don’t play together, the club won’t be worth a dime.” --Babe Ruth, New York Yankees outfielder It was a solemn end to the home stand indeed. It seems the Sluggers were worn out by opening 50-gallon drums of whup-ass on their first three opponents. They just didn’t have anything left tonight. After pulling into a 6-4 lead in the third inning, the Sluggers bats fell silent for the final four frames. Though the defense remained strong, it was only a matter of time before the powerful CRP offense get an opportunity. The Crappers tied it with two runs in the fifth inning, and capped the scoring with two more in seventh. Maybe the Sluggers got a little cocky. Maybe they were too “up” for this game. “Our players weren’t playing their game tonight,” Tony “Skip” Vinciguerra said in his post-game press conference. “They were more concerned about beating CRP than they were about playing their best. They lost focus. They weren’t just trying to hit the ball the way they know how. I kept hearing players say that they were trying to go to the opposite field or they were trying to hit this gap or that gap. That’s our problem. We were trying and thinking too much. See the ball. Hit the ball. That’s it. Don’t try to do anything. That game plan worked for us in our first three games. We changed it, and look what happened. If this continues, we’re going to start fining players for undisciplined, impatient, plate appearances. Look at the box score. Look at all those 0-fers. Our locker room looks like a dog pound, we have so many players wearing the collar.” These are harsh words from a coach who went 0 for 2. Perhaps he should be reminded of a Sicilian proverb that goes: U pesci fet d’a testa. Literally translated, it means: Fish start smelling from the head, but it really means that corruption starts at the top. (The Sicilians know a little about corruption.) In tonight’s game, the coach (an avid fisherman) corrupted the top of the order by going 0 for 2 in the top of the order. Unfortunately, his players followed his lead. When this reporter reminded the coach of the Sicilian saying about the fish, he angrily retorted with another Sicilian saying that’s popular among angry parents: “Sviluppiti come una cipolla--con la tua testa nella terra!” A little research shows that this literally means, Grow like an onion--with your head in the ground! More on this as it develops. Speaking of smelly fish heads, Julie “Scotch Guard” Scotti blamed the teams poor hitting on a frozen herring that was stuck in the chain link fence behind the Slugger bench throughout the entire game. “That freaky voodoo fish is the real reason we didn't hit,” Scotti said. “Someone put a curse on our bats. That yucky eye was staring at me in the batters box like road-killed aardvark’s.” Offensive Highlights
Defensive Play of the Game If Nietzsche was right about that, then there weren’t any good thoughts conceived on the Esplanade tonight. For the first time this season, the Sluggers were held walkless. This is also the first game in which the Crappers weren’t awarded a base on balls. In the locker room after the game, Isaac “The Tool Man” Taylor, said “Wighty [Brian “Wightman Can’t Jump”] has apparently mastered the inside-outside school of off-balancing pitching. He had two 1-2-3 innings [the fourth and the sixth innings] against some solid hitters, and he whiffed a very athletic woman with a nasty inside screwball.” Wighty’s walkless game is this week’s Defensive Play of the Game. Matt “The Rock” Ronzio added this about Wightman: “Wighty is getting really slick backing up overthrows from the outfield. He saved at least a pair of two-base dead ball errors yesterday, with runners on.” Honorable Mention The incumbent third baseman, George “The Hit Man” Hart was impressed with his protégé, Matt “The Rock” Ronzio. “We don’t call him The Rock for no reason. He’s an immovable object out there. First, he made a nice stab on sinking liner to third in a pressure situation. [That stab ended the top of the seventh, stranding runners on first and third.] Then, after The Wheel Man [Steve “Wheels” Baer] shot him a rocket from shallow center, he tagged Dennis Eckersley’s doppelgänger for the out and flipped him over his back like a rag doll! Now that’s what I'm talkin’ about!” Defensive drills coordinator, Lisa “Car Wash” Roberts told one reporter, “Theodore [Ted “Ruxpin” Johnson] is looking increasingly comfortable at the first base position. His shocking speed allows him to set up nearly 20 feet from the bag and still cover throws like a Velcro dartboard.” Teddy Points “No Teddy Points will be issued tonight--a VERY uninspired performance all around.” Ouch. Moving on... Stats from the Maniacal One Here are this week’s off-beat stats from the Maniacal One:
Player of the Week In a week of air-tight pitching, “Good” Stan Hunting managed to stroke a double in each of his plate appearances. His first double drove in the run that knotted the game at 4 in the second inning. He later scored to give the Sluggers their first lead of the game. While Hunting was being interviewed, Slugger left fielder, Will “The Natural” Jamieson jumped in front of the news cameras and screamed, “I love BASH [Bald Ass Stan Hunting]! He didn’t just hit well. He also got it done with his glove. He made a great throw after a catch in the second inning to keep a Crapper from advancing on the base paths.” See Hunting’s Player of the Week stats and photo here. OK we don’t have a picture of Hunting on file yet, but we do have a picture of his best friend, who has become quite the moral-boosting presence in the clubhouse. The Rumor Mill As stated last week, Isaac “The Tool Man” Taylor redefined sliding as we know it and tore up his leg in the process. Two hospital visits later, one would think that Taylor learned his lesson. One anonymous source tells this reporter that Taylor may be headed back to the hospital after tonight’s game. “He was really limping, and I heard him use the phrase MCL; I don’t think he was referring to his long distance provider,” the source said. “Let’s hope the bye week is enough time for him to heal.” One major league scout reports that he saw former Slugger shortfielder, Matt “In The” Hunt taking batting practice in the Sluggers practice facility in Fort Myers, Fla. For those who don’t know, at the end of last season, Hunt bought the Caracas Leones in the Venezuelan Baseball League. As the owner, he had no trouble starting himself at first base and center field. He led the league in errors. After receiving an insurmountable number of death threats from Leones fans, he sold the team and moved back to his new home in the Tampa Bay area. Could he be a mid-season Slugger call-up? Quotes of the Week
Next Game Batting Summary
Pitching Summary
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