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Had 'Em All the Way Sluggers mount late comeback in rain-shortened contest to beat Mad Cows 18-17 --BOSTON, July 9, 2002 “Don’t call it a comeback. I been here for years.” --Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J Down 11-0 after two innings, Sluggers’ future looked about as bright as the skies over the Esplanade, which were threatening rain, hail, thunder, and lightening. Apparently coach, Tony “Skip” Vinciguerra’s team remembered his quote from May 28th of this year: “No lead is safe against this team,” which he said to his team in the middle of the first inning with the Sluggers down 4-0. The Sluggers answered by scoring 15 runs in the bottom half of that inning and never looked back. They didn’t score 15 runs in the top of the third this week, but they did score seven, enough to wake up the rain-soaked fans. The first of those seven runs were delivered via back-to-back long balls by Noah “n$” Cushing (the first of his career) and Mike “Mr. Perfect” Douglas (his second of the season). Cushing’s three-run job got the stands bouncing, and Douglas’ solo shot swung the momentum heavily in the Sluggers’ favor. Four singles and a double later, MDC’s lead was cut to 11-7. The Sluggers then held the Mad Cows scoreless in the bottom of the third, and tacked on three more (by way of a single, a double, a triple, and a sac fly, in that order) in the top of the fourth, making it 11-10, MDC. The Sluggers gave up two more runs in the bottom of the fourth--13-10, Mad Cows. The Sluggers failed to score in the fifth and MDC added one more insurance run to increase their lead to 14-10 as the rain started to quicken and flashes of lightening appeared. As the Sluggers began to bat in the top of the sixth, one could only describe the skies in one way--menacing. Will “The Natural” Jamieson led off the inning with a solo home run that had record-setting distance. It was the first dinger in league history to reach the black fence that separates Field 1 from Storrow Drive. That set the tone that the Sluggers were not yet ready to pick up their umbrellas and leave. Dan “Dinger” Landesman and Lisa “Car Wash” Roberts followed Jamieson’s smash with a pair of singles to set the table for Aaron “Penguin” Mathieu, who brought them both home with his first double of the season. Isaac “The Tool Man” Taylor followed with a single. A double by Ted “Ruxpin” Johnson drove the tying run (Mathieu) home and sent Taylor to third where he extirpated the Mad Cow third baseman. Brian “Wightman Can’t Jump” drove in Taylor with a single to put the Sluggers on top for the first time. Figuring the team needed a little more insurance, “Good” Stan Hunting walloped a 1-1 breaking ball for the team’s fourth long ball of the night, driving in three more runs to put the Sluggers’ lead at 18-14. In the bottom of the sixth, the Mad Cows weren’t about to lay down in the rain like...well, like cows in the rain. They led off the inning with a ground out to Noah “n$” Cushing, Coach Tony’s succedaneum at shortstop. Cushing made an unexpectedly high hop near his face look routine. The next batter hit a solo homer. A walk and a double brought in one more run. Another grounder to Cushing brought the Mad Cows to their final out. A single scored the runner at second, cutting the Sluggers lead to one. With lightening now skewing the sky regularly and the rain coming down hard enough to soften the goose presents in right field, the dangerous number nine hitter (known by the official scorekeeper, Steve “Wheels” Baer, as simply “Chronic Glow Dude”) came up with the tying run on first. He hit a towering shot to left that took the breath out of Slugger Nation. Fortunately, their prayers were answered when Will “The Natural” Jamieson reached up into the precipitation and squeezed the final out of the sixth. The signal an umpire gives to call a game off is made by placing both arms in the air and crossing them back and forth twice forcefully as though shoeing away two bees. This is known as “the Scissors” by professionals. Amateurs call it the “Wave Your Hands in the Air Like You Just Don’t Care”. In the driving rain, with his white beard, umpire Red Man Joe resembled Moses parting the Red Sea as he called off the game after six innings, declaring the Sluggers victorious for the fifth time this season. A lot can happen in a week. The Sluggers managed to go from third place back to first, as seen in the current standings. Offensive Play of the Game Noah “n$” Cushing’s three-run homer to start off the scoring in a big way in the third inning is this week’s Offensive Play of the Game. When asked about his rally-starting long ball, Cushing said, “I just be glads ta bees here, you dig? I be contributin’ anyways, anyhows, for real.” “He’s a fastball hitter,” said bench coach, Dan “Dinger” Landesman after the game. “I had him looking dead red all the way. He fought off Testa’s hard slider, and worked the count nicely so that he could expect the heat. He got it. He got all of it.” Other Offensive Highlights The shear distance of Will “The Natural” Jamieson’s record-setting Storrow Drive-shot will make it a hot topic on sports talk radio all week. After hitting that home run, Jamieson he ran the bases like he’d done so many times before--head down and fast. After touching home plate, he went straight to the Sluggers bench. “We want Will!” the crowd yelled urging Jamieson to step out of the bench area and tip his cap to the crowd. He never came back out. As author John Updike wrote, “Gods don’t answer letters.” “Good” Stan Hunting’s three-run homer ended up being the winning hit. “It’s great to see BASH [Bald Ass Stan Hunting] swinging the big stick again,” said Sluggers batting instructor, Steve “Wheels” Baer. “He has monomania. All he thinks about is hitting, and he talks about it constantly. I’m a little concerned about the lack of balance in his life. I’m recommending that the team send him to a yoga retreat in the off-season.” The following Sluggers batted 1.000 on the day:
Defensive Play of the Game This week’s Defensive Play of the Game occurred in the bottom of the third inning. With the Sluggers mounting a small comeback in the top of the inning, Ted “Ruxpin” Johnson took matters into his own hands--make that his own glove--in an effort to keep the the Mad Cows at bay. After catching a foul pop hit by “White Shirt Pretty Boy” (as the official scorer referred to him), Johnson made a highlight-reel running scoop of a shallow blooper by “The Lady”. To make the catch, he split the uprights as he ran between pitcher, Brian “Wightman Can’t Jump” and shortstop, Tony “Skip” Vinciguerra and just continued on toward the Sluggers bench. Honorable Mention Noah “n$” Cushing made several plays that were in the running for Defensive Play of the Game. The rain and goose droppings made the infield an adventure on hard ground balls. Cushing handled the balls with ease, and he followed them up with accurate throws to rejuvenated first baseman, George “The Hit Man” Hart. Brian “Wightman Can’t Jump’s” pitching continues to be steady, as he eats up innings like no other player to dawn the Sluggers uniform. However, this performance was perhaps his worst of the season, which is not saying much given his fantastic performances thus far. He faced 38 batters, allowed 20 hits, 17 runs, but only 9 earned runs. He gave up two walks and three home runs. Wightman truly kept the MDC hitters off balance with is patented eephus pitch. But the eephus giveth, and the eephus taketh away. While he was keeping the hitters off balance, he also missed the strike zone a few more times than we’ve come to expect from the flamethrowing right-hander. “I think he’s getting burnt out,” said Sluggers coach Tony “Skip” Vinciguerra during his post-game press conference. “He’s pitched through some tough weather. It’s been hot, humid. He’s pitched in rain, wind, you name it. And our bullpen is getting stale. I think we’ll give Robert “Stretch” Orleman the nod next week. He’s shown he can do great in a spot start like this. Let’s see what he’s got.” Teddy Points After each game, at the Red Hat, Ted “Ruxpin” Johnson hands out points given for the little things that don’t show up in the box score but still contribute greatly to the team’s success. Here’s what Johnson had to say after the game: “Before I award this week’s Teddy Points, I’d like to remind you all that the player to finish the season with the most cumulative Teddy Points wins dinner for two in the North End. And remember, I double all Teddy Points earned against CRP. Now, onto this week’s award.” “While there were lots of great plays that deserve to be recognized, the purpose of the Teddy Point is to tip the cap to the little extra things that make good teams great and great teams champions. Now, typically, a home run would never earn you a Teddy Point by virtue of the fact that it does show up in the box score. But every once in a while a ball is hit so damn far that it even has the other team high-fiving each other. That was the case last night when Will [ “The Natural” Jamieson] unloaded a Ruthian-blast that probably caused a multi-car pileup on Storrow Drive. I was coaching third at the time, and the MDC pitcher [Mike Testa] turned to me and said: ‘Christ, he could have run the bases twice on that one.’ Yup.” It should be noted that Jamieson did not wash his shirt after that horrendous loss to AOL Time Warner. Perhaps the manager’s superstitions are unwarranted. Stats from the Maniacal One Here are this week’s off-beat stats from the Maniacal One:
Player of the Week Fresh off her rehab start with Triple-A affiliate, Brockton Rox, Sluggers second basewoman, Tamara “T Stop” Stanley, was voted Player of the Week for playing her usual solid defense and for going 3 for 3 with three knocks and a run scored. She got hits in every conceivable way. She created an infield single by motoring down the line to force a late throw from the MDC shortstop. She also had a no-doubt-about-it hit that soared over the heads of the drawn in Mad Cow outfielders. See Stanley’s Player of the Week stats and photo here. In the Running Noah “n$” Cushing was third in PotW voting not only for his three-run homer (the first of his career), but also for his amazing defense. Injury Report Isaac “The Tool Man” Taylor’s sliding antics are getting tiresome. The results of his slides are down right stomach churning. When asked about the state of his new scrape in a post game press conference, Taylor said, “The flesh wound is pretty ugly, but as long as it doesn’t get infected [as his last one did--twice] who cares?” Taylor then popped open a bottle of champagne and sprayed it all over the reporters screaming, “Hooray Sluggahs! Miracle win!” The team is reportedly seeking a psychiatric specialist for Taylor. Craig “Trump Card” Trumm was a late scratch for tonight’s game when he arrived late to the game with a pulled hamstring. The Rumor Mill Last week, one major league scout reported that he saw former Sluggers shortfielder, Matt “In The” Hunt taking batting practice in the Sluggers practice facility in Fort Myers, Fla. A different scout, this one with 20/20 vision, noticed that it was not in fact Hunt that was taking practice, but actually Sidd Finch. When Craig “Don’t Call Me Jeff Kent” Trumm reported to tonight’s game with a pulled hamstring, the Sluggers first baseman claimed he injured himself when he fell while washing his truck. There are rumors, however, that Trumm might have pulled the hamstring in a water skiing accident, and that he simply made up the truck story, because his contract specifically bars him from participating in water sports. Trumm has neither confirmed not denied the water skiing story, and the Sluggers are investigating the rumors. One key tip off that Trumm might be lying to prevent the nullification of his contract is that he does not own a truck. Isaac “The Tool Man” Taylor’s budding acting career continues. Later this year, he is slated to appear on a Calvin Klein billboard wearing nothing more than some grape smugglers. One question: Will he still be wearing his glasses? One source reports that super agent, Megan Desmond, is seeking to redo her client’s [Matt “The Rock” Ronzio’s] contract with the Sluggers. According to the source, Desmond was quoted as saying “My client deserves better treatment than the measly $250,000 league minimum that he’s receiving now. He goes above and beyond the call of duty as a simple third baseman. He often coaches third base, gives several players rides to the Red Hat after games, and gives the coach a ride home after games. I want these extra duties written into my client’s contract, and I want him to be compensated for them. Is that too much to ask?” Ronzio could not be reached for comment. According to the general manager of a team in their division, The Charles River Park Health Club team, (a.k.a. the CRP Crappers), currently tied for first place in the division with the Sluggers, are reportedly in the market for a second basewoman. Tamara “T Stop” Stanley has a no-trade clause in her contract, but sources close to the Sluggers All-Star say that she would wave the no-trade clause for a chance to play on a team with “a lot less unemployed people”. Stanley is apparently tired of footing the bill at the Red Hat. According to a reliable source, Mike “Mr. Perfect” Douglas has denied all allegations that he’s “on the juice” (taking steroids), but he has admitted taking the legal bodybuilding supplement Creotine. On that note, the Boston Police Department tells us that Aaron “Penguin” Mathieu lent his car to a Sluggers bat boy, known only as Lou, who was subsequently pulled over. Lou had no driver’s license, no proof of citizenship, and no flea collar. That’s the good news. The bad news for Matheiu is that the cops also found steroids in his glove compartment. Mathieu vehemently denies that the steroids are his. One look at Lou, and most people would guess that Mathieu is telling the truth. Quotes of the Week
Next Game |
Batting Summary
| No. | Name | Pos | AB | R | H | BI | 2B | 3B | HR | BB | K | SF |
| 8 | Tony Vinciguerra | SS | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 51 | George Hart | 1B | 3 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 41 | Will Jamieson | LF | 3 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 6 | Dan Landesman | CF | 3 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 4 | Lisa Roberts | SF | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 5 | Aaron Mathieu | SF | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 7 | Isaac Taylor | C | 3 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 13 | Ted Johnson | 3B | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 16 | Brian Wightman | P | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 2 | Stan Hunting | RF | 2 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| 27 | Tamara Stanley | 2B | 3 | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 30 | Noah Cushing | SS | 3 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 17 | Mike Douglas | CF | 3 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 25 | Matt Ronzio | 3B | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 18 | Steve Baer | LF | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Totals | 42 | 18 | 26 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Linescore | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | R | H | E | |
| Sluggers | 0 | 0 | 7 | 3 | 0 | 8 | x | 18 | 26 | 4 | |
| MDC | 4 | 7 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 3 | x | 17 | 20 | 4 |
Pitching Summary
| No. | Name | IP | H | R | ER | BB | K | HR |
| 16 | Brian Wightman (Win) | 6 | 20 | 17 | 9 | 2 | 0 | 3 |
| Totals | 6.0 | 20 | 17 | 9 | 2 | 0 | 3 |
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