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Sluggers Game Summary
MDC
May 20
Sluggers Milk Mad Cows
Mad Cows refuse mercy rule, slaughtered by Sluggers 23-3
--BOSTON, May 20, 2003
On this beautiful evening for softball, the Sluggers wielded their bats the
way elderly voters wield their right to vote: early and often.
In the top of the first inning, the visiting MDC Mad Cows couldn't muster a
run. The Sluggers started early with two runs in the bottom of the frame powered
by a two-run homer off the bat of first baseman, George
"The Hit Man" Hart. MDC cut the Sluggers lead in half when they squeaked
in a run in the top of the second. The Sluggers countered with seven runs on
nine hits in the bottom of the second, when they sent 12 batters to the plate.
The Sluggers then held the Mad Cows scoreless for four consecutive innings
thanks to the celestial pitching of Lisa
"Car Wash" Roberts and the preternatural
defense of her battery-mate, Isaac
"Pudge" Taylor.
"Roberts was like a tambourine in a gopher colony," said bench coach
Dan "Dinger" Landesman.
"She had everybody popping up, and mostly to the infield."
Indeed, behind the plate, Taylor caught four foul pops in two innings. There
are so many Fs (flyouts) marked in the scorebook, it reads like a Foxy Lady
bra-size chart.
But defense is only half the battle. The Sluggers piled on five more runs in
the third and six more runs in the fourth, mostly powered by 10 doubles.
"The Sluggers are a scoring machine the likes of which this earth may
never see again," said first baseman,
George "The Hit
Man" Hart during his post-game press conference.
Offensive Play of the Game
In his welcome-back debut with the Sluggers, Peter
"Howe The Heck Are Ya?" smoked a two-run homer in the second inning
to put the Sluggers on top 8-1, crushing the mooooood of the Mad Cows.
Other Offensive Highlights
There is no shortage of offensive prowess in this lineup. Let's not forget that
the Sluggers' biggest offense threat of the last two years was not even in the
lineup tonight. Will
"The Natural" Jamieson was away on a "business"
matter.
George "The Hit
Man" Hart, Peter
"Howe The Heck Are Ya?", and Matt
"The Rock" Ronzio had four RBI each in this game.
The team combined for 10 doubles, one triple, two home runs, and two sac flies.
Despite these 11 players driving in 23 runs, only one of Sluggers batted
1.000 on the day:
Defensive Play of the Game
In the top of the seventh inning, Sluggers shortstop, Tony
"Skip" Vinciguerra had this week’s Defensive Play of the Game when
he showed unusual range to his left to stab a hard high-hopper just to the left
of second base. He completed the play with a throw to first baseman, George
"The Hit Man" Hart.
Honorable Mention
Lisa
"Car Wash" Roberts made a spot start, but she wasn't alone. She had the
help of Mr. Splitty--a split-fingered fast ball that baffled the Mad Cow batters--which
helped her set up the high heat. The Mad Cow batters were as undisciplined as
parochial school girls backstage at a Blink 182 concert. They continually popped
up the high heater, often to the infield--more often than not, to catcher, Isaac
"Pudge" Taylor.
Ronzio caught a foul pop hit by “White Shirt Pretty Boy” (as
the official scorer referred to him) in front of the Mad Cow bench.
Teddy Points
After each game, at the
Red Hat, Ted
"Ruxpin" Johnson hands out points given for the little things that don't
show up in the box score but still contribute greatly to the team's success.
Here's what Johnson had to say after the game:
"The defending champion of the first annual Teddy Points Title didn't
start 2003 off on the right foot. While my missing a game is more than
acceptable, [left fielder] Will [Jamieson]'s isn't. He becomes the first ever
Slugger to be issued a Negative Teddy Point for passing on Tuesday's game to
attend a "work-related convention in Orlando". Good one Jamieson. How are the
conference centers at
Hooters, anyway?"
"On to business. A fine showing by several of the Sluggers in week number two
earned them coveted Teddy Points. First, the spot start for [winning pitcher]
Lisa Roberts proved to be little challenge for her. Her complete-game wizardry
earns her her first Teddy Point. Ozzie Smith will be on hand next week to congratulate
[shortstop] Tony [Vinciguerra] for his stab at short and his first Teddy Point
of the season. Finally, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Where would
be without [catcher] Isaac [Taylor] behind the plate? While other teams ignore
the importance of a good catcher, Isaac just goes about his business catching
an astounding FOUR foul balls this week (almost certainly a record for a catcher).
I thought about giving Isaac two Teddy Points for his performance, but then
I realized that was just dumb."
Stats from the Maniacal One
Here are this week’s off-beat
stats from the Maniacal One:
- Round and Round We Go: With an 11-person lineup,
the Sluggers sent 12 batters to the plate in the second inning, and they sent
11 batters to the plate in the fourth inning.
- Don't Leave Me Behind: The Sluggers left nine
runners on base; the mad cows left 6.
- Use the Force: In his Sluggers debut, Ben
"Kenobi" Hardigg went 2 for 3, with two doubles, a sac fly,
2 RBI, and three runs scored. He also made some nice defensive plays in right
field, though he does have his
roommate's faculty
for making easy plays look hard.
- In a Foul Mood: The Mad Cows fouled out five times
in this contest.
Player of the Week
When a player goes 5 for 5 at the plate, calls a three-hitter behind the plate,
catches four foul popouts, and has five putouts, that player is a shoe-in for
Player of the Week. This week, that player is Isaac
"Pudge" Taylor.
See Taylor's Player of the Week stats and photo here.
In the Running
Lisa
"Car Wash" Roberts was hesitant about returning to the mound after her Bryce
Florie-type incident two years ago. Somehow the coaching
staff talked her into it, and it's a good thing they did. See Roberts' pitching
line below.
Injury Report
Isaac "Pudge" Taylor
(left wrist) electrocuted himself several years ago. He recently re-aggrivated
the injury, and consequently, the switch-hitting catcher had to bat right-handed
tonight...or so he told reporters before the game. Pudge actually batted lefty
and went 5 for 5 at the plate.
Robert "Stretch"
Orleman (blennophobia) did not want to play the MDC Mad Cows
for obvious reasons, given his condition. He is seeking the the help of team
psychiatrist, Dr.
Nick Riviera.
Tamara "T Stop"
Stanley (nausea) had too many 10-cent wings after last week's game. She
is listed as day-to-day.
The Rumor Mill
Last week, one major league scout reported that he saw former Sluggers left-fielder,
Peter "Howe
The Heck Are Ya?" at batting practice in the team's minor-league facility
in Fort Myers, Fl. This week, we learned that the rumors of the (formerly) retired
left fielder returning to the game were true. And his timing couldn't have been
better with the absence of his replacement, Will
"The Natural" Jamieson. Howe got right back to his old ways by going 4 for
5 at the plate with a double, a dinger, four RBI, and four runs scored. Only
one question remains: Did he get his notoriously bad hamstrings replaced with
Ted Williams' cryogenically frozen hamstrings? This reporter will pay $25,000
to anyone who can present hard evidence to support this rumor.
Quotes of the Week
- "She's the anti-Derek Lowe."--Teddy "Ballgame"
Johnson, Sluggers third baseman, referring to how Lisa
"Car Wash" Roberts gets 90 percent of batters to pop up rather than ground
out as Derek Lowe does
- "Off the facade in left."--Teddy "Ballgame"
Johnson, Sluggers third baseman, telling shortstop, Tony
"Skip" Vinciguerra where an MDC batter hit the ball during his last at-bat
- "Don't tell me that their left fielder is going to play me that shallow."--George "The
Hit Man" Hart, Sluggers first baseman, demanding a little respect moments
before he cranked a frozen rope over the Mad Cows left fielder's head
- "It's not worth it. Why am I doing this? Who cares?"--Lisa "Car Wash" Roberts, Sluggers pitcher,
describing her thought processes while stuck in Fenway traffic on the way
to tonight's Sluggers/Mad Cows game
- "Now that I'm here, it's so worth it."--Lisa "Car Wash" Roberts, Sluggers pitcher,
describing her thought processes during the Sluggers/Mad Cows game
- "Because you were in Tahiti making coconut bikini tops for the natives instead
of coming to practice."--Tony
"Skip" Vinciguerra, Sluggers coach, explaining why Johnson was benched
for two innings during tonight's game
- "How many 10-cent wings will it take to augment your contract?"--Tony
"Skip" Vinciguerra, Sluggers coach, bribing Roberts into pitching her
first game in two years
Next Game
The Sluggers host the Fidelity Infidels Tuesday, May 27 on Field 2. Any fan
wearing a coconut
bikini top gets a free bleacher seat at the game, a free beer at the Red
Hat after the game, and All-Star third baseman Teddy "Ballgame"
Johnson's phone number. Batting Summary
| Linescore | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | | R | H | E | | MDC |
0 |
1 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 | 2 | |
3 |
8 |
3 | | Sluggers |
2 |
7 |
5 |
6 |
2 |
1 | x | |
23 |
32 |
1 |
Pitching Summary
| No. | Name | IP | H | R | ER | BB | K | HR | | 4 | Lisa Roberts (Win) | 7 | 8 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0
| | Totals | 7.0 | 8 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0
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