Sluggers Game Summary
at AOL
May 11
Sluggers Pull Plug on AOL
Sluggers Pull Plug on AOL
Sluggers swing into season opener with 17-8 win over Conglomerates
--BOSTON, May 11, 2004
Unfortunately for the AOL/Time Warner Conglomerates, the Sluggers lived up to their name in this well-played conflict.
"I want to congratulate everyone who participated (in body or in spirit from afar) in tonight's rousing 17-8 win over a very solid AOL/Time Warner squad," said new Sluggers coach, Ted "Ballgame" Johnson during the post-game press conference. "We did a
lot right. We played great defense, and Noah ["n$" Cushing] pitched a complete game gem in his 2004 pitching debut. Well done." Many fans were appreciative of Johnson's words after his inaugural game as manager. Critics are saying that it's easy for the manager to be eloquent after his team wins. "Wait until they lose a couple," one naysayer says. "The rabid Sluggers fans will eat Johnson alive."
"Our bats were on fire tonight," Sluggers shortfielder, Peter "Howe The Heck Are Ya?" said during his post-game rubdown. "We produced a lot
of runs, and we didn't let them squeeze out many. That's all it takes."
In fact, the Sluggers managed to put a crooked number on the board in every inning except two. Most notable is that
the Sluggers held AOL scoreless for four innings.
In a controversial move, Johnson started his long-relief man, Cushing over incumbent ace Brian "Wightman Can't Jump". Johnson refuses to admit that this move has anything to do with the off-color off-season comments made by Wightman on sports talk radio. See the Quotes of the Week below for more on this. The decision to start Cushing was also controversial because many observers of his performance in spring training feel that his pending free-agency will effect his mental toughness. Cushing answered those critics loud and clear this evening.
Offensive Play of the Game
Tonight's Offensive Play of the Game occurred in the top of the third inning
with one out. The Sluggers had two base runners
on when Kevin "Mordecai" McKeon doubled to drive in what would be the game-winning run with his first hit in a Slugger uniform.
Other Offensive Highlights
For good measure, McKeon tripled in the fifth and doubled in the top of the seventh inning, driving in two more runs.
Living up to his name, Dan "Dinger" Landesman homered in the third frame. The pride of Natick, Massachusetts also tripled twice. "That last triple should have been a dinger," Landesman whined after the game. "Those third base coaches held me up when I easily could have made it home." He had five RBI on the night.
Will "The Natural" Jamieson and BASH (Bald Ass Stan Hunting) also homered in this, the Sluggers season opener.
Pat "Carnage" Carney went 2 for 3 with a ribbie in his Sluggers debut.
Defensive Play of the Game
This week's Defensive Play of the Game is tie between the two unassisted double plays Will "The Natural" Jamieson made during his first game at shortstop. Many of Jamieson's detractors felt that he wouldn't enjoy playing the infield because he wouldn't be able to perform his trademark unnecessary dives. Jamieson showed them, performing two such dives tonight. Both times he was able to double-up runners leaving first base.
Honorable Mention
George "The
Hit Man" Hart made several nice picks in the dirt at first base to complete plays started by several outfielders-turn-infielders.
In the bottom of the fourth inning, BASH (Bald Ass Stan Hunting) stabbed a line drive that resulted from the first pitch of his first inning as a third baseman. Welcome to game, Hunting.
Noah "Cruise Missile" Cushing was tapped to pitch the Sluggers first game of 2004. The highlight occurred when Cushing got "Michael Jordan" (as the official scorer called him) to strike out looking for the second out of the sixth inning. Cushing also had three assists on the day.
Stats from the Maniacal One
Here are this week’s off-beat
stats from the Maniacal One:
- The Last Stand: AOL left 11 runners
on base; the Sluggers left 9.
- Everything's In Order: The Conglomerates were
set down in order in the sixth inning.
- Pitching In: Starting pitcher, Noah "Cruise Missile" Cushing helped his own cause by figuring in three putouts in this
seven-inning contest.
- Nobody's Perfect: Despite the great offense in tonight's game, not one of the Sluggers
batted 1.000 on the day.
Player of the Week
Whitney "The Litany" Brown, in her first game with the Sluggers, caught a mean game behind the plate and went 3-4 with a ribbie. She is sure to become Cushing's personal catcher.
See Brown's Player of the Week stats here.
In the Running
Dan "Dinger" Landesman is already in mid-season form. He went 3 for 4 with 2 triples, a two-run homer, and 5 RBI.
In his Sluggers debut, new comer Kevin McKeon went 3-4 with a triple, 2 doubles, and 4 RBI.
Noah "Cruise Missile" Cushing was awe-inspiring in his season pitching debut. His pitching line (see below) tells
the whole story.
Catcher, Whitney Brown said it best during the post-game interviews. "Cushing's cut fastball was outstanding. His location
was a bit off, but it's simply an unhittable pitch. He got a lot of shallow
fly-ball outs with it."
Injury Report
Tony "Former Skip" Vinciguerra (back) may be headed for the 15-day disabled list (DL). In a controversial
incident, he drove from his home in
Durham, North Carolina
to the Sluggers spring training facility in Mattapan without taking a break. When he stepped out of the car at the Eight Ball Field, he noticed soreness in his lower back. One official close to the team states that Vinciguerra's contract has the following clause: "Section 29G: The undersigned
player is strictly forbidden from engaging in motorest activities durations beyond 327 minutes without proper stretching."
Matt "The Rock"
Ronzio (ego) will no doubt get benched for telling coach Ted
"Ballgame" Johnson that he could play third base this evening. Ronzio didn't show. See the rumor mill below for speculation on his whereabouts.
The
Rumor Mill
Several readers of this column spotted Matt "The Rock"
Ronzio having drinks with Enrique Wilson at the bar in the Ritz Carlton, which explains why he didn't show up for the game despite insisting to the coach that he would at the field at game time.
Quotes of the Week
- "Most assuredly, the Sluggers batting order can be awesome. When a pitcher faces a one-through-six lineup of Johnson, Hart, Jamieson, McKeon, Landesman, and Hunting, he can't be blamed if he envisions himself as a target in a shooting gallery."--Tony "Skip" Vinciguerra, Sluggers short fielder showing empathy for AOL's harried pitcher
- "If my uniform doesn't get dirty, I haven't done anything in the softball game."--George "The
Hit Man" Hart, Sluggers first baseman, discussing the nice picks he made out of the dirt to save some errors on the new Sluggers infielders
- "You've got to pace yourself. I'm like, 'Aw, that won't happen again.' But I'm telling you: I found myself waking up at
4 o'clock in the morning, doing push-ups and sit-ups half drunk. I feel so guilty."--Teddy "Ballgame" Johnson, Sluggers coach on his most recent trip to Las Vegas where he was ostensibly scouting the Vegas 51s
- "I think AOL's mascot is a little light in the loafers if you know what I mean."--Brian "Wightman Can't Jump", Sluggers pitcher, evaluating the Sluggers' competition for the 2004 season during an off-season sports talk radio interview
Next Game
The Sluggers continue their road trip as they take on Fidelity Tuesday, May 18 on Field 2. Any fan wearing
a "Fidelity Tosses" shirt gets a free beer at the Red Hat after the game.
Batting Summary
| Linescore | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | | R | H | E | | Sluggers |
2 |
4 |
4 |
0 |
2 |
0 | 5 | |
17 |
26 |
1 | | AOL |
1 |
3 |
0 |
1 |
0 |
0 | 3 | |
8 |
10 |
2 |
Pitching Summary
| No. | Name | IP | H | R | ER | BB | K | HR | | 30 | Noah Cushing (Win) | 7 | 10 | 8 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 0
| | Totals | 7.0 | 10 | 8 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 0
|
| 
Sluggers
