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Sluggers Game Summary
at AOL
May 13
Barn Burner
Sluggers' lead slips away in 27-25 loss to Conglomerates
--BOSTON, May 13, 2003
Note: Being the first game of the season, the members of the Softball
Writers Association have compiled their predictions for the season. Rather than
present them in a boring list, the results of the Association's votes are
presented after each player's or organization's name.
We've all heard the old adage that hitting is contagious. Exhibit A: AOL
Time Warner 27, Sluggers 25. These two teams pounded the cover off of the ball
for seven straight innings.
After a see-saw battle ensued for much of the game, the Sluggers (voted
most likely to lead the league in unemployment checks) were leading 25-19 going
into the bottom of the seventh. The Conglomerates (voted most likely to perform
a hostile buyout of CRP) were the home team, allowing them last ups. As they
had done all night long, they caught hold of some two-out magic and scored all
eight runs with two outs in fading light. It was a long, exciting game.
Even though the Sluggers blew the lead and lost the game, the whole team
seemed in good spirits in the locker room as they chowed on the post-game
spread. "It was a lot of fun,"
Isaac "Pudge"
Taylor (voted most likely to grow a
mullet)
said as he spread mayo on his 10-cent wings. "I think a big part of it was that
the Conglomerates had several real jerks on their roster last year. There was
no love lost between us. Our
bulletin board is
a testament to that. But tonight, they were much more fun to play against."
Although tonight's game looks like an L in the standings, it bodes well
for the Sluggers' ability to score runs this year. "I'm still not convinced
their defense will hold up,'' said a major league scout recently, "but that
lineup is as deep and dangerous as any in the American League. There are no
easy outs there.''
How much of a barn burner was this game? Each team had over 30 hits. The
difference was that the Conglomerates simply capitalized on the six Sluggers
errors.
"On defense, our players weren't playing their game tonight," Sluggers
fielding coach Robert "Stretch"
Orleman (voted most likely to appear on the
"Muppet Show"), said in his post-game press conference.
Offensive Play of the Game
Will "The
Natural" Jamieson's (voted most likely to run for
Mayor of Cincinnati) second Storrow Drive shot of his career
in the third inning is this week's Offensive Play of the Game. It occurred with
two runners on base, no outs, and gave the Sluggers a 9-7 lead.
Other Offensive Highlights
George "The Hit
Man" Hart (voted most likely to get traded to a Japanese softball team run
by a nuclear power plant) and
Craig "Trump Card"
Trumm (voted most likely to win a
David
sunflower seeds spitting contest) each hit home runs in their first plate
appearance of the season.
In the top of the seventh,
Steve "Wheels"
Baer (voted most likely to complete a 6-3 putout with a behind the back
throw) hit a line drive that seemed to be greased it slid so quickly to deep
right-center field. The three-run homer gave the Sluggers a 25-19 lead.
Perfect Day
The following Sluggers batted 1.000 on the day:
- Will
"The Natural" Jamieson went 4 for 4 in the number three hole. He was a
triple shy of the cycle yet again. He had a single, a double, two three-run
long balls, seven RBI, and four runs scored.
- Matt
"The Rock" Ronzio (voted most likely to
name his elbow) was smelling what he was cooking. He went 4
for 4 with three singles, a triple, two RBI, and three runs scored.
- Steve
"Wheels" Baer also went 4 for 4, and was also a triple short of hitting for
the cycle. He whacked two singles, a double, a deep opposite-field home run,
four RBI, and crossed the plate twice at break-neck speed.
- Noah
"n$" Cushing (voted most likely to perform
the Forbidden Dance in the on-deck circle), who nearly
didn't make this game due to conflicting meetings with his agent,
Kristen "Killer"
Smith (voted most likely to burst into a
Def Leppard song
while at bat), and several Players Union representatives, went 3 for 3, despite
batting last (14th) in the order. Cushing posted two singles, a double, and
three RBI.
Defensive Play of the Game
This week's Defensive Play of the
Game occurred when
Will "The
Natural" Jamieson and
Isaac "Pudge"
Taylor combined to throw out a runner at the plate. With a runner (known by
the scorekeeper as Blue Jacket, or B.J., for short) on second base, White Cap
(or
W.C.) hit a single to shallow left field. Jamieson charged
the ball like a
horny rhino. B.J. foolishly tried to score on the single and
was gunned down. The out ended the fourth inning, and allowed the Sluggers to
hold onto an 18-17 lead.
Honorable Mention
Win or lose, one thing remains constant with
the Sluggers, Brian "Wightman
Can't Jump's" (voted most likely to tape sand paper to the brim of his hat)
stellar pitching.
Always showing true grit, made a nice running catch in shallow left for
the second out of the fourth inning.
Teddy Points
After each game, at
the Red
Hat (voted most likely to break the new anti-smoking law),
Ted "Ballgame"
Johnson (voted most likely to become Will Jamieson's campaign manager as he
runs for political office) hands out points given for the little things that
don't show up in the box score but still contribute greatly to the team's
success. Unfortunately Johnson is resting up in Tahiti this week. Teddy Points
will return next week.
Stats from the Maniacal One
Here are this week's off-beat
stats from the Maniacal One:
- Don't Leave Me Hanging: The Sluggers left
eight runners on base. AOL TW stranded 10 runners.
- Mmm...Homers: The Sluggers hit five home
runs.
- You Can Never Go Home: Although the
Conglomerates hit several would-be home runs, they only managed to get all the
way around the bases three times. This is a testament to the arms in the
outfield that earned the respect of the Conglomerate base runners.
- Do You Swing?: Pitching walkless complete
games has become the signature of Brian Wightman.
- Just Walk Away: As testament to how well
both pitchers hurled tonight, neither team had a walk in this contest.
- Fan Fiction: Wightman struck out two
batters tonight. One strike out was the final out of the fifth inning, which
stranded runners on second and third, keeping the Sluggers 20-19 lead.
Player of the Week
If you've already read the Defensive Play
of the Game and the Offensive Play of the Game, it will come as no surprise
that Sluggers left fielderWill "The Natural"
Jamieson was voted Player of the Week tonight.
See Jamieson's Player of the Week stats and photo
here.
The Rumor Mill
One major league scout reports that he saw
former Sluggers left fielder, Peter Howe taking batting
practice in the Sluggers practice facility in Fort Myers, Fla. Will the
Sluggers make a roster move and call him up before their square-off with the
MDC Mad Cows?
"Good"
Stan Hunting (voted most likely to rob Sean 'Puffy' Combs of a home run at
an
"MTV's Rock and Jock Weekend" softball game), also known as
BASH (Bald Ass Stan Hunting), has reportedly left the Sluggers, forgoing his
newly inked four-year, $45 million contract. This unconfirmed note was found on
the floor of The Middle
East nightclub and bar:
Tony, After long debate, I've decided to forgo my 2nd season on the
Sluggers and enter early retirement. I've looked at the schedule and realized
that I will not be able to make it to quite a few games due to band [The Huda]
obligations, being out of town, etc. So, rather than wasting a spot on your
elite roster of talented athletes and comedians, and failing to showup on
gameday, I'll be happy to pass the torch to one of my roommates, or whoever is
next on the Sluggers waiting list. And just to make sure that Will [Jamieson]
has a roommate present at all times, I would love to fill in whenever Lach
["Ness Monster" Mclean] or Ben ["Kenobi" Hardigg] can't make it and I happen to
be free. Thanks for including me on the 2002 Red Hat Sluggers, and I hope the
media doesn't rip me apart! Thanks again, Stan
It's not very often that you see a rookie
lead a team in
batting average one season and then retire the next. The Sluggers will
surely miss Hunting for his bat. They'll also miss him for the occasional
diving catch (See Defensive Play of the Game
here).
Puerto Rico is reportedly interested in hosting some Sluggers games,
according to once source close to the deal. Softball officials have been
talking with a Puerto Rican promoter about having the Sluggers play some of
their home games in Hiram Bithorn Stadium. Antonio Munoz (voted most likely to
drink Corona out of the can), the promoter who guaranteed
the Red
Hat $7 million for this year's San Juan schedule, thinks the island
commonwealth can support up to four Sluggers games. "We've had conversations
but we have not defined the amount of games we would bring, if any, or if it
will be done or not," he said Wednesday. "There isn't anything solid yet."
Northern Virginia, Portland, Ore., and Washington, D.C., are trying to lure the
Sluggers, but the Red Hat wants financing in place for a retractable-roof
ballpark before making a decision. "The position of the San Juan municipality
has always been to have open arms. We are available," said Maria Elena Batista
[no relation to
Tony Batista], San Juan's sports and recreation director [no
relation to the
Assistant Recreation Director for the town of Dover
Massachusetts]. "We've had follow up conversations (with the Red Hat).
Those conversations have been about how successful it will be, how happy the
players will be, the fan support, and that San Juan continues to be an option
(for more games)."
Kudos from the Coach
"Special thanks to
Craig "Trump Card"
Trumm for keeping one heck of a scorebook tonight. We really kept him
busy."
Next Game
Looking to add a W next to their name in the
standings, the Sluggers take on the defending champion MDC Mad Cows (voted most
likely to bribe an umpire), Tuesday, May 20 on Field 1.
Batting Summary
| Linescore | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | | R | H | E | | Sluggers |
2 |
2 |
9 |
5 |
2 |
3 | 2 | |
25 |
34 |
6 | | AOL |
7 |
5 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
0 | 8 | |
27 |
32 |
0 |
Pitching Summary
| No. | Name | IP | H | R | ER | BB | K | HR | | 16 | Brian Wightman (Loss) | 7 | 32 | 27 | 19 | 0 | 2 | 3
| | Totals | 7.0 | 32 | 27 | 19 | 0 | 2 | 3
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